The word “should’ seems to be inherently problematic. Why else is it that whenever we hear that we “shouldn’t” do something, the first thing we think about is doing it? As we continue our discussion on how to feel better fast, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen illustrate the importance perspective plays when it comes to motivating ourselves to get what we want.
Dr. Daniel Amen Welcome to the Brain Warrior's Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen.
Tana Amen I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD and addictions.
Dr. Daniel Amen The Brain Warrior's Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spect imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information visit AmenClinics.com.
Tana Amen The Brain Warrior's Way podcast is also brought to you by Brain MD where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit BrainMDhealth.com.
Welcome to the Brain Warrior's Way podcast. Welcome back, in this episode, we are continuing with Feel Better Fast and Make It Last and we are talking about Brain XL. We just finished the X factor on ... if you didn't watch it, you should. We ended in a fairly ... let's see, colorful and slightly tense discussion and it was actually very interesting, very fun and I love that about us. We can actually tell each other what we really think and we don't always agree but we ...
Dr. Daniel Amen But we can do it with love.
Tana Amen ... we love each other. Now, we're talking about love.
Dr. Daniel Amen We get the attachment part.
Tana Amen Right.
Dr. Daniel Amen All right. So, we're going to talk about love for ... but let's go back to the reviews 'cause we love when you send them in. This is from [Lammy 00:01:40] Light. This is a great commentary and interview. Thank you so much for sharing this. I've read a book by Tana, Dr. Amen, and you're one of my faves and you both are among my favorites. Thanks for what you do.
Tana Amen Aw, thank you.
Dr. Daniel Amen Why is love in Feel Better Fast? Because one of the things I realized is if you're going to get healthy, you can never do it because you should do it. That when people think they should do things, they don't do them.
Tana Amen Well, and you should all over yourself.
Dr. Daniel Amen Ultimately, love is the secret weapon, doing the right thing is the ultimate act of love for yourself and for other people.
Tana Amen Should has this rigid feel and love has this very warm, flexible feel.
Dr. Daniel Amen If you think you shouldn't eat this or you shouldn't do that, you end up eating this and doing that and just think about it from a biblical sense. God said you shouldn't go to the tree. The next scene in the book of Genesis, they're at the tree! Eve is tempting Adam and ...
Tana Amen Well, all you got to do is think of a two year old. Your inner child is a two year old. Think about when you tell your two year old that they can't do something. What are they going to do? They're going to go do it.
Dr. Daniel Amen Well I just ... you're going to be 50 soon and if I tell you you can't do something you totally ...
Tana Amen The best way to get me to do something is tell me I can't.
Dr. Daniel Amen That's absolutely correct.
Tana Amen I'm getting my second degree black belt in a couple weeks because I was told I cannot practice karate. Just saying. Just making your point.
Dr. Daniel Amen I have no words. The mindset of a two year old. So, God said you shouldn't go to the tree and in the next scene they're at the tree and I'm like, "Well, if I was a consultant in the garden what I would've said is don't say that, say if you go to the tree, she's going to have to wear clothes."
Tana Amen You know, only you think like seriously.
Dr. Daniel Amen Well, it's always think of the consequences ...
Tana Amen What will happen, then what?
Dr. Daniel Amen ... of the behavior. I have this great carving in my office, one of my patients gave to me and it's, "Then what?"
Tana Amen Right.
Dr. Daniel Amen As if I do this then what happens and do I want the consequences of that behavior?
Tana Amen This is interesting 'cause this is a thing that I've actually gotten in many disagreements with some of my friends who are parents who have kids the same age as Chloe. We don't agree on this because from the time that my daughter turned 12, and this is also a Love and Logic philosophy and I agree with it 100%, we love the parenting program Love and Logic. By the time your kids are 12, you should be coaching them and helping them learn to make their own decisions and I've never believed in telling Chloe from the time she was about 12 and started middle school what she can and cannot do because you tell a middle schooler what they can and cannot do, much like a two year old, they're going to do it, they're going to go test it out. I just have never done that.
I've always believed in telling her specifically, "Honey, I know you can, okay, so I'm not going to tell you you can't smoke pot. I'm not going to tell you you can't make out or even have sex at an early age. I'm just going to tell you what will happen if you do and then you have to make choices and those choices are hard. Because if you make adult decisions when you are a child you have to pay adult consequences and there's not one thing I can do to protect you from them. I can't protect you from protect you from pregnancy, I can't protect you from STDs." I made sure I showed her pictures, very, very graphic pictures.
Dr. Daniel Amen You get her into what she wants and then you ask yourself, "Does your behavior get you what you want?" It's not that you shouldn't do it because then people want to do it.
Tana Amen I like one thing you say, that you do is ... one of the things you've always said is one of your favorite verses is, "Know the truth and the truth will set you free." I add to that being very truthful and you should be very truthful with yourself about what it means.
Dr. Daniel Amen We have a high school course called Brain Thrive by 25. You go to brainthriveby25.com. It's great for middle schoolers, high schoolers, even young adults. When we teach the class live invariably a ninth grader boy, always a boy ...
Tana Amen Girls have too much anxiety.
Dr. Daniel Amen ... will raise his hand and go ... we're doing these things are bad for the brain, we want to avoid them right? 'Cause brain health is three things you've got to care about it, avoid things that hurt it and do things that help it. When we do the avoid things that hurt it, a boy will raise his hand and go, "How can you have any fun?" We play a game with them called Who Has More Fun? The kid with the good brain or the kid with the bad brain? Who gets the girl and gets to keep her because he doesn't act like a jerk? The kid with the good brain or the kid with the bad brain? That's why I have you because other people have acted like jerks and you didn't keep them.
Tana Amen Nope.
Dr. Daniel Amen That comes from a good brain. Who gets into the college they want to get in? The kid with the good brain or the kid with the bad brain? Who gets the best jobs, makes the most money, has the most meaning and purpose in their life? Is it the kid with the good brain or the kid with the bad brain?
Tana Amen Well and to speak a ninth grader's language takes the best vacations? You got to speak their language a little bit.
Dr. Daniel Amen Yeah, drives the coolest cars. You do the right things not because you should but because you want the consequences of doing the right things. How many people have said, "Living the way you live on the Brain Warrior's Way, well that's hard." We're like, "It's not hard."
Tana Amen Not if you've been sick and here's the thing ...
Dr. Daniel Amen But it's not hard, it's easy and it gets you what you want which is health, which is energy, which is vitality and ultimately it's not just about loving you, because we know your habits turn on or off certain genes that make illness more or less likely, yes in you but also in your babies and your grandbabies.
Tana Amen Well, if you're paying attention, every time I start to veer off course just a little bit like I said before when I had surgery and I veer off course a little bit, I instantly feel the pain of not feeling well that I used to feel. I mentioned that depression's the worst thing I've ever been through. Well, for me I will do anything to avoid going back to that dark place and the second I start to feel that brain fog coming on, that fatigue which happens when I veer off course. I'm like, "No, okay. Nothing is worth that." Eating healthy is a small price to pay. That actually is not hard. What's hard is feeling awful and not having energy. So, yeah. No. You feel it pretty quickly.
Dr. Daniel Amen I never want you in the should place. I should do this, I should do that. Where I feel bad about eating healthy. I want you there because you love yourself. You love your wife, you love your children, you love your mission, you love your purpose. Stay with us we're going to talk about four Greek words for love and how that might play in.
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