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In this final episode based on the concept of dragons, as outlined in Dr. Amen’s new book ‘Your Brain is Always Listening’, Dr. Amen and Tana discuss how other peoples’ dragons can also breathe fire on your life. Recognizing when something or someone is a hurtful rather than encouraging influence on your life can bring a tremendous boost to your overall wellbeing. Dr. Amen and Tana Amen give you practical tips for moving on and leaving these negative influences behind so you can live your best, happiest life.
For more info on Dr. Daniel Amen’s new book, “Your Brain is Always Listening”, visit https://yourbrainisalwayslistening.com/
Daniel Amen, MD:
Welcome to the Brain Warrior’s Way podcast. I’m Dr. Daniel Amen.
Tana Amen, BSN RN:
And I’m Tana Amen. In our podcast, we provide you with the tools you need to become a warrior for the health of your brain and body.
The Brain Warrior’s Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we have been transforming lives for 30 years using tools like brain SPECT imaging to personalize treatment to your brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.
The Brain Warrior’s Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceuticals to support the health of your brain and body. To learn more go to brainmd.com.
Welcome back. So this is going to be the last podcast on the they, them and other dragons. And these are, they’re super cute. They’re the other people’s dragons. They’re contagious. Your brain is always listening to the voices of many other dragons, including bosses, coworkers, religious leaders, politicians, store clerks, news reporters, media personalities. These dragons can be critical, hurtful, attacking, competing, indifferent, or they can be encouraging, positive, comforting, and engaged.
It’s like all the other people in your life. And I remember when I was a grocery store clerk that I could make someone smile just by being friendly, or I could make them really angry at me if I was withdrawn and in my self and a little bit snarky. But other people have a dramatic impact on how you feel. I remember when I lived in Hawaii, and I loved Hawaii because I tend not to pay attention to too many people, too many other people. I’m always in my head.
You’re always like that. No, you tend to see the positive in almost everything.
But the person I was with at the time just had to leave because she felt the racism against Caucasians, because Hawaii is an Asian culture, and if you’re not Hawaiian or Asian, you’re sort of less than other people.
Interesting. But you are a person who chooses, like I joke that you have Mickey and Minnie in your head doing the waltz, it’s the happiest place on earth, because literally something truly crazy can be going on around us, and you’re like, “Oh, it’s not that bad. Oh, it’s going to be fine.” You are one of those people. So it’s pretty Pollyanna in there. It’s pretty Pollyanna.
So, I’m going to actually give you guys a skill. This is the one to write down. I was talking about in our huddle this morning. Many of you know Ariana Grande day and her song, Thank You Next. Well, if you think about that, I think how she was meaning it is-
Is a little different, yeah.
-in the black widow sense.
But the essence of mental health, and I developed this and I’m not really sure where I developed it, but being a shrink for 40 years, I try to pay attention to good mental habits, is that that’s actually a very important psychological principle.
And so for example, you had to file bankruptcy and it was very painful and very hard, but your tendency is not to look back with regret, but to go, “What’s next?”
It’s how can I respond to this situation? And too many people get stuck in what other people think of them.
Yeah, I learned-
But what’s really helpful is when something’s not working, is to say thank you, bless it, and then look forward to whatever’s next.
So when you have teenagers, you learn all these little things. And one of the most simple ones I learned, teenagers have this funny way of saying bye-bye when they’re like done with something, it’s like, bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Well, and one of the things a lot of parents get very sad about is emptiness.
Oh, don’t even start. You just had to go there.
Well, I think it’s really important. One of my sister-in-laws, her children and grandchildren moved across the country, and it’s so devastating, but it’s because she looks back rather than forward.
Yeah. The only thing keeping me from sort of losing my mind over that is I’m looking forward for my daughter. I’m excited for her to start her life. Otherwise I would just be, last year was really hard for me, because she was at that phase where she was pulling away from me. We were attached at the hip for so long. And I mean, we did everything together. Literally, she was in my lap, like all the time, even as a teenager. And then bam, she just was ready to fly. And I’m like, “But I’m not ready for you to fly.” So that year was really painful.
So you weren’t able to do thank you, next.
Not for about a year. It took me, and I knew it wasn’t her though. The good thing was I knew-
And it’s not easy.
No. So I knew it wasn’t her. So I had to do that work on myself. It was really painful. So I had to do that work on myself and remind myself this is her life. And so now the thing that, she’s getting ready to leave for college, what I remind myself is it’s her time to fly. This is exciting. This is an exciting time for her. So whenever I start to get that little funk inside, it’s like, this is an exciting time for her. I’m going to get lots of air miles. So I think about the positives.
But you’re always going to stay connected to her.
But if you stay too connected, when she’s trying to separate, you’ll damage the relationship.
And she’ll be resentful.
You’ll damage yourself and you’ll damage the relationship. So admitting when things are over. And I mean, I remember before I met you, I got my heart broken and I just couldn’t move on, which was a horrible place to be. But one of my friends said I got my heart broken open. I think I did the most-
I like that. That’s a good phrase.
-psychological work on my self through that pain, but shout out to Ariana Grande, because it’s really a very important psychological principle, and it goes with the serenity prayer. It’s just a cooler way of saying the serenity prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Yeah. So thank you next, and bye-bye.
We’ll see you next time. Take care.
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