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In part 3 of an interview with Dr. Emily Morse, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana continue their discussion on intimacy. Learn how anxiety, blood flow, and overall health may be sabotaging your sex life, and what you can do about it.
Tana Amen: We are back with Dr. Emily Morris! We are having so much fun talking about sex and relationships! And how to make it right, what could potentially be wrong? How to fix some of these things, and how, mostly, to have fun.
So, welcome back, Dr. Emily! You are also a friend ... you actually work with a friend of ours, Dr. Drew Pinski! And you've got articles in Huffington Post and the New York Times. I mean, you're really well respected in the sex field! So, talk to us today about erections and, what else are we talking about besides erections?
Dr Daniel Amen: Well, let's stay with that, 'cause it's just a huge problem!
Tana Amen: Surprise, surprise!
Dr Daniel Amen: 40% of 40-year-olds, according to a study from Boston, have erectile dysfunction. And 70% of 70-year-olds have erectile dysfunction. And we talk about ... if you have blood flow problems anywhere, it likely means they're everywhere!
So, it's actually one of the signs of brain dysfunction, because your brain uses 20% of the blood flow in your body. And you've already said your brain is the biggest sex organ! So, talk to us about your experience helping people with erectile dysfunction.
Dr Emily Morse: Okay, erectile dysfunction either could be premature ejaculators, they can't get hard, they're hard, they get soft ... the whole thing! And I think a lot of it, too, the brain ... for a lot of guys, it can be a part of a greater issue, but also, it's anxiety. It's a lot for men, it happens once, they couldn't get hard, and then they think it's gonna keep happening again and again.
So, I think for a lot of men, it can be an anxious disorder.
Tana Amen: So, it's sort of traumatic? Is that what I'm hearing you say?
Dr Emily Morse: No, like they have like a trauma by it. They're like, "Oh my god, I didn't please my partner and it's gonna keep happening!" Of course there's a lot of different reasons for it.
I think for men, it also has to do a lot of times with masturbation, like learning how to understand your ... are we talking about premature ejaculation? Or any kind of erectile dysfunction? Because there's so many different ways to deal with it.
Tana Amen: Are you talking about lack of blood flow, or premature ... ?
Dr Daniel Amen: Well, there's so many things to talk about. So, one, if you don't have healthy habits and you're hypertensive ...
Dr Emily Morse: If you're not healthy, you're not eating healthy, you're not taking care of yourself, you're not exercising, you're smoking, you're eating fatty foods ... yes, you're gonna probably have problems with your penis. That is going to happen.
And you'd think that would be enough to get men healthy, right? Because they don't want any ...
Dr Daniel Amen: Right. It's certainly enough to keep me healthy. Let's do the right thing so you can make love to your wife when you're 100. In fact, when I was an intern at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center, one of my favorite patients was 100-years-old. He had a hernia operation. I just loved him, and they day he was discharged, he was like, "Come here, come here, come here."
'Cause I was a psych intern, so I was the only one that actually talked to him. And he said, "How long?"
And I'm like, "How long for what?"
"How long before I can have sex with my wife?"
And I'm like, "Thank you so much! You just made my year!"
You know, that it doesn't have to stop!
Tana Amen: So, that just gave you hope, is that's what you're saying?
Dr Daniel Amen: Hope. It doesn't have to stop unless you've not made good decisions in taking care of your blood vessels and your health. So, given I'm always thinking about long term goals, that matters. We talk about that a lot on this podcast.
What about premature ejaculation? Common problem for guys! And as you said, once it happens, they then get anticipatory anxiety about it.
Tana Amen: So, is that like stage fright?
Dr Daniel Amen: It's like stage fright.
Dr Emily Morse: Exactly. Yeah.
Dr Daniel Amen: And it perpetuates itself.
Dr Emily Morse: Exactly. For premature ejaculation, I think for men it can be ... yeah. It can be for a lot of different reasons. But again, for them it could take masturbation ... It's like using the stop-start method. When they're masturbating alone, and they have to learn ejaculatory control, basically.
They have to understand their bodies and when they're about to ... they can re-train how they masturbate and how they have sex. But they have to understand their ... where did my brain just go?
Tana Amen: So, like an arousal template?
Dr Daniel Amen: So, their feeling.
Dr Emily Morse: Yeah.
Dr Daniel Amen: And there's a sex therapy strategy ...
Dr Daniel Amen: ... Where they get almost there and then they stop.
Dr Emily Morse: Yeah. Understanding their ... I call it 'the point of no return.' So, when you're masturbating you can ... for a lot of men, they're like, "I don't have ejaculatory control. I don't understand when it's gonna happen or not." So it can just be exercises that they're doing on their own when they're masturbating.
Okay, they get to the point where they're about to have an orgasm, and they stop. And they do it again. And they stop, and start. So they can recognize when it's gonna happen and they know how to slow down, and they know how to have sex with their partner.
Dr Daniel Amen: Or their partner can totally help them with this.
Dr Emily Morse: Absolutely!
Dr Daniel Amen: So, you don't have to do this alone. Your partner can totally ... and your relationship is good if you see a problem like this -
Tana Amen: Right.
Dr Daniel Amen: - as a problem to be solved.
Dr Daniel Amen: Rather than, "You're going to leave me if I don't fix this."
Tana Amen: I want to interject that. 'Cause you said something earlier about men, this is not all about you. But the same goes for women. Women get their feelings hurt really easily, and it's like, "Oh, okay. So you didn't take care of me." Or it becomes some big thing, as opposed to, "Okay, maybe I could be helpful."
How can I be helpful and talk to him without shaming him?
Dr Emily Morse: Exactly!
Dr Daniel Amen: So, big secret, big secret. Pay attention.
Dr Emily Morse: Okay.
Dr Daniel Amen: I read this one book I loved. Helped me for the rest of my life, it's called "She Comes First."
Dr Emily Morse: Ian Kerner! Best book. Yes.
Dr Daniel Amen: Love that book! So, guys. If you're having trouble in this area, just help her have her orgasm first, and then whatever issue comes up, it's not as big a deal.
And then, premature ejaculation is an issue. So, this is where Prozac actually works. It has cleared 100% of my premature ejaculators. It's a huge problem. I don't like SSRIs in general, and I really don't use them except here. 10 mg of Prozac. It just fixes this issue.
Dr Emily Morse: Right.
Dr Daniel Amen: Because it's one of the side effects! It delays orgasm.
Dr Emily Morse: That's true.
Dr Daniel Amen: But you can work through it doing the technique Dr. Emily's talking about.
Dr Emily Morse: Yeah, the stop-start method. Also, yeah, I was gonna say, too. The Multi-Orgasmic Male is a great book that a lot of men can read. It has a lot of different techniques in there.
But also, please her first. If you're afraid ... It's okay to start and then to actually stop and make sure she has her orgasm. And then maybe your anxiety level will go down, and then you'll be able to have sex! But, you know, it's okay!
And also, the other thing about men and erections, since we're on this topic, is ... you asked me earlier, is my audience or listeners more male, more female? I think it is more male. I know it's more male.
Because they often don't talk about sex even when they go to their doctors. You probably know this. They could be having problems with their penis, they're not gonna talk to even their doctors about it. I can't tell you how many guys are like, "What?"
And I'm like, "Well, just get checked out! Make sure nothing's wrong."
And they're like, "I can't talk to my doctor about it."
You're at the doctor! You talk about your needs. That's what you should do! They feel like there's so much shame around it. But yet it's so important for men to have full penis strength, and to understand ... but yet they won't talk about it. There's so much shame too, for men.
Dr Daniel Amen: Isn't that crazy? Because sex is everywhere?
Dr Emily Morse: Everywhere!
Dr Daniel Amen: And it's used for Carl's Jr. for goodness sakes?
Dr Daniel Amen: Right? I mean it's just everywhere, but I wrote a movie once. It's called "An Intimate Parent-Child Talk," it's about the things parents should talk to their kids, but never do.
Dr Daniel Amen: And I did a study, and I found out that 90% of men did not talk to their sons about sex. That if someone talked to the boys about sex, it was the mom! And I'm like, "Well, that's just completely wrong!" Because, you know, I learned about it from my older brother when he was 10. And he didn't have good information! So, I had bad information for most of my young life!
Tana Amen: That's just hilarious.
Dr Emily Morse: Wait, there's one more thing I have to say. I can't believe I didn't bring it up. There's something called Promescent. Right? And they could get it at Rite Aid now or online. And it's a quickly-absorbing delay spray that is the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. And it's worked for so many of my listeners! I've been talking about it for about four years. You apply it your penis like ten minutes before sex, it absorbs into the membrane.
So, it doesn't transfer to your partner if you wait ten minutes. And I would say, like, in 60%, 70% of men, they lasted twice as long!
Tana Amen: Oh, interesting!
Dr Emily Morse: Twice as long during sex.
Dr Daniel Amen: What's it called?
Dr Emily Morse: It's called Promescent. It's on my website (sexwithemily.com). You don't need a prescription for it. FDA approved. Now I think it's at Rite Aid, it might have been at Target. I'm not sure, but ... it just helps you last twice as long.
Tana Amen: Interesting.
Dr Emily Morse: Even if it's like ...
Dr Daniel Amen: And probably fewer side effects than Prozac.
Dr Emily Morse: Well, that's what I'm saying. I don't like ... for me, SSRIs, to take it just for sex, there's so many other side effects that come along with it that I think if you get a bottle of Promescent ... I mean, I've used it with a partner as well ... It's absorbing delay spray.
You're like, "Oh, but it's gonna numb." You still have great sensation, but you last longer. It's been kind of a ...
Dr Daniel Amen: Yeah, but you want a little bit less sensation, so.
Tana Amen: Right, for at least short term.
Dr Daniel Amen: Short term, [crosstalk 00:10:33] so that you can have better control.
Dr Emily Morse: Control. It's not ... that's what I was trying to ...
Dr Daniel Amen: All right, I'm getting hot. Just two beautiful women talking about sex.
Tana Amen: TMI! TMI.
Dr Daniel Amen: We are gonna come back and talk with Dr. Emily about ADD and sex. So helpful. Stay with us. You're listening to the Brain Warrior's Way podcast.